A job disappears, a relationship ends, an unexpected move becomes unavoidable. In those moments, it can feel as though life is happening to you instead of with you.
But here’s the truth: unexpected change, while disruptive, isn’t always a negative force. In fact, many of the most transformative periods in our lives come when we’re forced to pivot in directions we never would have chosen for ourselves.
Unchosen Change is Really Hard
When we initiate change — starting a new job, ending a relationship, moving to a new city — we’re mentally prepared for the shift. We’ve weighed options, built plans and imagined outcomes. But when change chooses us, we don’t get the luxury of preparation. It arrives uninvited, often in the form of loss or disappointment.
Think of being on the receiving end of a breakup. You didn’t ask for the relationship to end, but suddenly you’re thrust into rebuilding your sense of self. But here’s the thing, while you may feel blindsided and wounded, you’re actually moving forward — because you have no other choice. Meanwhile, the person who initiated the breakup may be second-guessing for months. In other words, the one who doesn’t choose the change often grows the most from it.
Ruminating over something that’s happened to us can make us feel like we are not enough, but ultimately, that self-reflection can help us make improvements in ourselves, our circumstances, and in our lives.
Why It Doesn’t Have to Be All Bad
Force Growth Change pushes us out of comfort zones we may never have left willingly.
Get A Fresh Perspective When a door closes unexpectedly, it forces us to see possibilities we weren’t considering.
Build Resilience Every time you survive an unchosen pivot, you prove to yourself that you’re stronger than you realized.
With distance, many people look back on unplanned transitions as defining moments — times when life pushed them in a direction that ultimately served them better.
Tools for Managing Life’s Pivot Points
If you’re facing unexpected change right now, here are a few ways to navigate it with clarity and resilience:
Pause before reacting – It’s tempting to fill the void immediately, but giving yourself time to process emotions is vital.
Shift the story – Instead of framing the change as something that was done to you, reframe it as something happening for you. This shift can transform pain into possibility.
Focus on what you can control – You can’t stop the change itself, but you can control your next step, your attitude, and your choices moving forward.
Seek meaning, not just survival – Ask yourself: What can this teach me about myself? About what I really want?
Lean on support – Change feels isolating, but connecting with friends, mentors, or a therapist can help ground you during the transition.
Turning Pain Into Possibility
Unplanned change will always sting. It’s human to grieve, to feel angry, and to resist. But when you choose to approach the pivot as an opportunity to grow, you begin to see the light instead of darkness.
Sometimes the chapters we never wanted to end are the very ones that let us start even better stories.
